He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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