how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
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