I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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