my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Randomize
