it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
