I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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