Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
