U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
