If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
What a dumb baby whore.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
