i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
