just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
my poor anus
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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