hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize