woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
