real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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