then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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