i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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