so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Someone shattered a urinal.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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