Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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