go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
