i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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