I feel like I'm in dance class right now
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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