If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
