There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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