Ambien. No doubt about it.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
