p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
