I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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