Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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