eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
