Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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