i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
