I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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