I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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