Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
