girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
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