I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
PANTIES FOUND
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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