im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
