your room smells of hookers.
And success
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
