$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Randomize
