i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
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