Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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