it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
