you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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