No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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