Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
