hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
