I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
