Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize