if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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