Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
