Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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