this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
