I'm going to jail i love you
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
