my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
