You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
