I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
