meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize