If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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