I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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