so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
did i just pee glitter
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
