I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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