I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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