I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
