8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
my liver is dry heaving
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
