I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
