so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
