The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
