What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Someone signed my nipple.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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