don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
