If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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