Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
