She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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