god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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