I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
