hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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