I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
