There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
