He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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