I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
